THE NAME IS THE GAME!

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE PART IN THE MOST UNUSUAL AUCTION TO DATE?  DON'T BE A LOSER AND LOSE OUT ON THIS AMAZING AND EXCITING ONCE IN A MILLION OPPORTUNITY TO BE COMPLETELY CREATIVE!!!!

DID YOU KNOW THAT NAMING YOUR CHILD IS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT COMPRIMISES YOU'LL EVER MAKE IN YOUR LIFE?

MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS PROBLEM.  WE ARE DUE IN OCTOBER AND CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO NAME OUR CHILD.  IF I SAY LIAM, SHE SAYS WILLIAM (GO FIGURE!).  (YAWN)  I'M TIRED OF BORING NAMES!  I WANT OUR CHILD TO STAND OUT AMONGST THE CROWD! 

I'M SURE THAT SOME OF THE MOST COMMON QUESTIONS AND STATEMENTS I'LL BE ASKED, OR WILL HEAR OVER THE NEXT 10 DAYS ARE:

1)  ARE YOU INSANE???

    A)  NOPE, JUST DEAD BROKE AND LOOKING FOR A HAND OUT.

2)  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

    A)  HAVE YOU?

3)  ISN'T THAT AGAINST YOUR RELIGIOUS PREFERENCE?  HAVE YOU NO FAITH?

    A)  ARE WE TALKING MY PRINCIPLES, OR YOURS?

4)  THAT'S MORALLY WRONG!

    A)  SO!

5)  WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY NAME YOUR KID THE F-WORD?

    A)  HE/SHE WILL BE THE MOST POPULAR KID IN SCHOOL!

6)  WHAT IF THEY NAME IT AFTER THEIR COMPANY?

    A)  WHAT'S WRONG WITH A NAME LIKE (IDIOTS LAWN CARE) ANYWAY?

7)  WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

    A)  PLEASE REFER BACK TO QUESTION ONE!

I AM POSITIVE I'VE MISSED A FEW, BUT THOSE ARE MY FAVORITES OF ALL TIME.

 MY PARENTS WILL PROBABLY DISOWN ME, AND THE WORLD WILL CRUCIFY ME.  THEN AGAIN, I'VE BEEN UNIQUE MY ENTIRE LIFE!  SCREW IT!!!

I'VE SEEN FAR WORSE AUCTIONS ONLINE.  LIKE BIDDING ON A MYSTERY BOX!  WTF!  AT LEAST WITH MY PRODUCT, YOU'RE GUARUNTEED A GREAT LAUGH FOR FAR LESS!  AND IT WILL LAST LONGER!

BIDDING:  YOU ARE BIDDING ON THE NAME OF OUR UNBORN CHILD, NOTHING MORE.  THE BABY IS NOT FOR SALE.  DO